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Girlfriends...Yesterday I was reminded of this poem by Iyanla Vanzant, she has written a book with the same name. This was truly my experience yesterday. And not for the first time either! Here I am once again, preparing for another healing. Healing from the same hurts that I healed from in the past, healing from new hurts that have piled on the old hurts as they come out of the closet again. From all that was said yesterday, by my Counselor, Mentor and Friend, this stood out "When you released these hurts in the past, what did you fill the space back up with?" Wow! I think I moved forward a some in knowing who I am or what my passions are but I have never been so aware of the need to release the hurt and embrace the grace! Wow! I am excited for the healing, I am excited for the grace -and the result? My fullfilling the purpose of this life I have been blessed with. The fear? That my Counselor, Mentor and Friend will share with all of us here as I grow and heal and learn and blog! *smile* ~Hugs!

Yesterday, I cried.
I came home, went straight to my room,
sat on the edge of my bed,
kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra,
and I had myself a good cry.
I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale.
I cried until my ears were hot.
I cried until my head was hurting so bad
that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet.
I want you to understand,
I had myself a really good cry yesterday.

Yesterday, I cried,
for all the days that I was too busy,
or too tired, or too mad to cry.
I cried for all the days, and all the ways,
and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected,
and disconnected my Self from myself,
only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others
did to me the same things I had already done to myself.
I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen;
for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up;
for all the things I had accomplished, only to give them away,
to people in circumstances, which left me feeling empty,
and battered and plain old used.
I cried because there really does come a time when
the only thing left for you to do is cry.

Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because little boys get left by their daddies;
and little girls get forgotten by their mommies;
and daddies don't know what to do, so they leave;
and mommies get left, so they get mad.
I cried because I had a little boy,
and because I was a little girl,
and because I was a mommy who didn't know what to do,
and because I wanted my daddy to be there so badly until I ached.

Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because I hurt. I cried because I was hurt.
I cried because hurt has no place to go
except deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place,
and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up.
I cried because it was too late.
I cried because it was time.
I cried because my soul knew that I didn't know
that my soul knew everything that I needed to know.
I cried a soulful cry yesterday, and it felt so good.
It felt so very, very bad.
In the midst of my crying,
I felt my freedom coming,
Because...

Yesterday, I cried
with an agenda.

~Written By Iyanla Vanzant
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I posted this excerpt from The Little Prince (you can read it in the previous post if not familiar with the story) because it has always represented for me, relationships. The one most on my mind now is the relationship that just ended. When we first began dating 3 years ago I brought this up and asked him not to 'tame me' if he wasn't going to stay around. Over the years we seperated a couple of times because we weren't on the same page when it came to a serious relationship.

The first 10 months we continued to date other people and I stayed very ambivilant about going any further. I could see he wasn't serious and so I wasn't about to get that way. I let him go the first time when I knew that I couldn't ever find my life partner if I was so caught up with him. Wonderful guy, no commitment.

We came back together knowing we loved each other just not sure how to move forward when he still didn't want a committed relationship but I chose to give it a try 'just to see.' Well, the truth being -I loved him and wanted this picture I had in my head of what could be. So we dated the next several months growing closer and my meeting his family including his (grown) son for the first time. We all went on vacation to St. Augustine -his son and my kids including my daughter's fiance. My thinking 'oh, cool...we are moving forward as a family' and he thinking...who knows what, he dropped me cold the day we got back...and he moved forward with another for the next 5 or 6 months.

When this love came back in my life, March of this past year, I was very clear that I wanted a commited relationship. I want marriage...knowing he had always said he did not want to be married again, although this time he said he was ready. He said this is what he wanted. He loved Destin and me and it was worth moving forward for us to be together. Once again I, knowing I loved this man for the sweet, kind, generous person he is...I agreed to this new beginning. And it has been great. We have spent time talking together more than we had ever talked in the past. We had brought up differences that needed to be worked on, and we moved forward in what I thought was unison.

After spending a wonderful year -including Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Eve together...he is done again. Just like that. Done. The only explanation? We are too different. Really? Like we didn't already know each other well enough to know the differences? Really? Like I am no different than the day we met...I am still that sweet spirit, kind person you said you loved. I still own my own company, working from home -never have been and never will be that coorporate dynamite you seem to be attracted to when you aren't dating me. So...here I am with all the hurts, dissapointments and what if's I went through last July. And seeing the side of him that isn't so sweet, compassionate and caring that he could leave in such a cold way.

So we come back to the story of taming the fox. And I had to re-read it. I asked this man not to tame me because I didn't want to be hurt. And now I have to see what was learned from this taming. What was good, what wasn't so good. What it was in the relationship I absolutely loved and what will not be tolerated in the next. And I have to move forward. Without bitterness and resentment. Without anger. Because those few little words are not who I am and not who I ever want to be. Those words do nothing but bring me somewhere I don't want to be.

I choose to live without fear of the next relationship. I choose to trust and love and give as I always have, knowing that is my true character. A relationship does not define me. What happens in that relationship does not define me. It does, however, bring me to a closer awareness of what it will be when the time is right and the relationship is right. And I have to be willing to be tamed again.
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Taming The Fox 01/09/2010
 
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It was then that the fox appeared.

"Good morning," said the fox.

"Good morning," the little prince responded politely, although when he turned around he saw nothing.

"I am right here," the voice said, "under the apple tree." "

Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at."

"I am a fox," said the fox.

"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince.

"I am so unhappy." "I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."

"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince. But, after some thought, he added: "What does that mean, 'tame'?"

"You do not live here," said the fox. "What is it that you are looking for?"

"I am looking for men," said the little prince. "What does that mean, 'tame'?"

"Men," said the fox. "They have guns, and they hunt. It is very disturbing. They also raise chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?"

"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean, 'tame'?"

"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."

"'To establish ties'?"

"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."

"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. "There is a flower... I think that she has tamed me..."

"It is possible," said the fox. "On the Earth one sees all sorts of things."

"Oh, but this is not on the Earth!" said the little prince. The fox seemed perplexed, and very curious.

"On another planet?"

"Yes."

"Are there hunters on this planet?"

"No."

"Ah, that is interesting! Are there chickens?"

"No."

"Nothing is perfect," sighed the fox. But he came back to his idea. "My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life . I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the colour of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat..." The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time. "Please, tame me!" he said.

"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."

"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me..."

"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me, like that, in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day..."

The next day the little prince came back.

"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you... One must observe the proper rites..."

"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.

"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."

So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near...

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you..."

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added: "Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."

The little prince went away, to look again at the roses. "You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world." And the roses were very much embarrassed. "You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you, the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.

And he went back to meet the fox. "Goodbye," he said.

"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose..." said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose..."

"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

-Taken from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry
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Destin Randall Lamar, my son, has had many men come and go in his short eleven-year life span. He was born December 31, 1997 and in January of 1998 his natural Grandfather on his dad’s side past away. That was perhaps not a loss he would have felt but it was the first in a long line to come.

Destin’s dad, Tracy Noble had similar loss in his life and found his foster family when he was about 14, moving in with Randall and Gwen Manning. Randall Lamar Manning was one of the finest men I have ever known and so named my son after him. Randall and Tracy were very close and when, in September of 1998, Randall passed away after a lengthy illness, it seemed one more loss that hit Tracy hard. 4 weeks later Tracy was in an accident and passed away as well.

I knew that my son would need men in his life, as it was just he, his sister Jordan and me at home. He enjoyed trying on my clothes and wearing my high heels, much like most little boys I suppose! So I got him some really cool jeans and his first pair of cowboy boots…this helped!

Destin attached himself to men as they came along –I didn’t do much dating so he didn’t really have an opportunity in that capacity but my dad was one he looked up to. The relationship between my dad and myself was rocky to say the least but I knew Destin loved his grandpa and wanted to spend time with him. He loved the musical instruments my dad introduced him to and loved the adventures my dad took him on. When my dad got sick, the small amount of patience he did have was gone and Destin’s time with his grandpa ended. The next time Destin spent time with his grandpa was, thankfully, towards the end of my dad’s life as my dad began forgiving and asking for forgiveness and as we all began to repair relationships. He passed away in March of 2009.

There were others; George, Dan and Dennis to name a few -and as we left one church for another, I began to pray for a good man to come into Destin’s life. To mentor him, to teach him what was okay and what wasn’t, to show him things only a man can show a boy. And then came Matt.

We began attending Temple of Praise in October of 2007. Matt would tell you it was a class he taught about mentoring that began this relationship. In this class he told the older teens in the church that they were to be leaders, those the younger people looked up to. Whatever it was during that class, Matt knew he should lead by example and, having just gotten to know us and perhaps without much thought, he chose Destin. Maybe he didn’t have to think about it. Maybe he just knew as soon as he left that class that Destin was the kid he was to mentor.

See, Destin is fun, funny, loving, caring and compassionate but at the time Matt chose him he was hard headed, angry, untrusting and much of the time could come up with really inappropriate things to say just to get a reaction. Matt was exactly who I had prayed for, and he came at just the right time.

Over the last couple of years Matt has spent a lot of time with Destin. From sleep overs to just a day out here and there, always available for him in his office at the church and many times Destin would go to church early on Wednesday’s and sit in Matt’s office until it was time for class. These past two years have gone by fast and I didn’t realize how fast until it was time for another change.

Matt and Gayle married and, through a series of circumstances, have taken a position at a church in Matt’s home state of North Carolina. They will be moving this week.

I have seen a maturity in my son over the past couple of years. I have seen him become a thoughtful, loving, fun-loving, joyful cool kid. I have seen him grow in his personal faith and beliefs and in his prayer life. I have seen Destin begin to react appropriately to situations and loss, as in ‘life goes on’ and I see an understanding in him that life happens. Change happens. Sometimes you don’t like the change and sometimes life just stinks and when something is ending it could mean something even better is coming!

Matt, I saw my son yesterday at church. When we all gathered around you and Gayle to pray for you and to tell you goodbye I saw Destin with his eyes closed and his hand stretched towards you both, his mouth moving quietly as he said a prayer for you. I saw the tears moving down his cheeks and I could feel yet another loss for my son and I was so sad for us all. Maybe these emotions are coming because I am the mom and sometimes mom’s feel for their kids and it isn’t even something Destin is feeling. So I let him be. I let him quietly pray and let the tears quietly roll down his cheeks and I didn’t reach out for him. This was his time and in his way he was able to say goodbye. I was so proud of him, and so thankful for you. You have taught him more than you may ever know. You were that roll model for him. He does look up to you and you did a great job of just leading by example. There is another little boy somewhere that needs you. I am really quite sure at that church in North Carolina is another little boy that needs a man, someone to show him what it takes to be a loving, caring and compassionate young man and you are just the one for the job.
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A little over 10 years ago Jordan, Destin and I made our way out to Hixson. We had found a family that raised Keeshond's. This was a dog we had wanted for awhile and we had finely found one in the Chattanooga area!

On the way home we were discussing names for our new puppy. As we passed the Kia dealership I shouted out 'Kia'! And so she was named.

This was the sweetest dog, practically trained herself, was playful but not manic. Slept with Jordan over the next several years and just fit right in. Through all of the dogs we adopted and then found homes for, she was the one we kept.

Here we are a little over 10 years later. Jordan has moved out and taken her two little dogs with her and I am left feeling like Kia is lonely...missing Jordan and missing the playmates she had grown accustomed to. I began praying for our dog. You can't just give your dog away. A dog you have had for 10 years. A dog that has become a part of your family. It made me sad just to think about it. So I prayed that God would show me what He wanted for Kia. That I would have wisdom in knowing what was best for her.

Thanksgiving day we spent over at Jordan's new house. I had been tempted to take Kia with us just so she could spend the day with all the activity but chose to leave her home instead. She loves it outside and this day was no exception, she wouldn't come in, so I left her outside. Somehow she found a way out of the fence and was gone when I came home a bit after 4pm. With this being Thanksgiving I knew wherever she was no-one could contact the vet to get get my phone number until the next day. So I prayed that she was safe and would be taken care of. With a sense of peace about it, I was able to let it go.

Early Friday morning I got a call from a family a block or so away that had Kia. Oh, they loved her -she fit right in and had done great that night...I headed that way to pick her up and to my surprise it was the friend of a former neighbor. She and I had met briefly before but had not really ever talked.

After taking Kia home she immediately wanted outside and wouldn't come in when I had to leave for the store. Yup, sure enough...I got a call from Amy, Kia was back at her house. Amy then offered to keep her for the weekend. She and I talked about how I felt she was missing Jordan and the other two dogs and Amy, with her daughter Molly and their two dogs she must have been feeling right at home.

I got to Amy's home on Sunday after church and was greeted by Kia and her new found friends barking at the door. Yes, she jumped up a little and wanted me to pet her but was not anxious to leave, so I sat to visit for a little while. During the conversation it was clear how Kia had settled in, had been sleeping with Molly and had become a part of their family in this short time. My son, Destin, offered up 'You can keep her if you want' to which came a vigorous head shaking and YES from Molly.

We talked awhile longer, telling a little about Kia and what she has meant to us, some of her habits and what to expect and we got up to leave. Amy and Molly were leaving at the same time and when we called for Kia to go bye-bye she immediately jumped into Amy's car, didn't even venture out towards mine.

Amy said she didn't want to keep Kia if it was going to make me sad. I told her it made me sad to think about taking her from them! So, Kia has found her new home and I know she isn't lonely. She is back in the company of a teenage girl and two lively playmates that walk on all four's like she.

Thank you Molly and Amy for giving Kia a home and for loving her as much as we do!
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Jordan Elizabeth,
How do you even begin to put what is in your heart down on paper when you are wanting someone to understand the depth of an emotion or the existence of a love that is indescribable.

When you were born it was just you and me. I had such a desire to protect you and keep you from hurting. As you grew I began to realize I couldn’t keep you from the hurt, nor would I want to. It is from those times that we are able to grow -as long as we stay open to the learning and focus on what is good even in the pain.

I have seen you with your girlfriends, even the girls you have been friends with since you were 4 years old. The way that you have grown into a woman (yes I have to consider you one) and have been a friend with them all this time. Today at your home, hearing them talk about what you mean to them. That they are able to trust you. That you are truthful with them even if they may not want to hear it. That you are aware enough to speak the truth in love. That you are aware enough to know you are speaking it in love. For one of my best girlfriends to say about you that you are lovable. That she would say you make her smile and bring her joy when she is around you.

For anyone to say that you are mature and responsible is the truth. I want to add to that and say you are not grown. You are still loving being a teenager and loving being a Senior in high school ~Yet you also love being independent, making decisions on you own or in unison with Michael. Such as mature adults do. I see a balance with you. I see you continuing to grow and change. And enjoying the change as you grow. I see you open to spiritual things in life and that brings me a great amount of Joy.

How would I ever have known ~ 18 years ago ~ that I would be blessed to Mother such a sweet and wonderful Spirit. That I would admire and appreciate you for so many reasons. Reasons that could never be simple and perhaps never understood.
So I will leave it at this for now. Knowing words are only words. And I will continue to give you space to grow. As I hope I have always done. And I will continue to watch you and admire you. And I will continue to learn what it is to care about another human being and not have the words tell. ~Your Mom, Rachel Noble
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I began 2007 a single woman. After having dated a man through the holidays last year, and those being the loneliest holidays of the last 8 years, I stepped back and thought maybe I was trying too hard. I had intentionally quit dating for 2.5 years, began dating intentionally the summer of 2006 and had come to the end of the year feeling stronger and more sure of what I knew I needed in a man. Also realizing I had dated a lot and was tired of it. I decided to stop ‘looking’.

I had put myself out in cyber-space. Dating online ~ Match.com, E-harmony, meeting guys on Myspace ~ and I have to say, I met some of the nicest guys. Really. Interesting, each different and each showing me qualities I would love to bring together into one, Mister Lovely. But I knew when to let go. I knew when to say we didn’t need to date any longer. It was nice to be aware enough that I would not stay one day longer than was necessary to know. Except through the holidays. It was sad. No phone call on Thanksgiving-okay, we had just started dating, he was with his family. No show at my 40th birthday-okay, his daughter was in town and he has little enough time with her. Ignored the week from Christmas to New Years eve. Not okay ladies! Back to my old adage..”It Either Is Or It Isn’t”…nice as he was when he took me out, this was just wrong. Or, as my sister-in-law likes to point out, “Greg was just a bad idea.” Thank you, Tammy.

So, Linda-Girls-Mister Jim, Thank you for hosting the New Years Eve Party 2006, sorry I left-in tears. But when I called my date-Greg-to meet him for the evening, and he wanted to know what I thought of our dating, I took the opportunity to tell him. Yes ladies, in love and compassion.

So, the 2nd week of January, out steps Mr. Sweet Spirit. I had known him several months and in fact, he and I had confided about this guy or that and his relationship that had just ended. So we had established a friendship base. When he asked if I had talked to Greg I responded “Why?” Move on, God has something really great planned so why go back to not great. I told Mr. Sweet Spirit I had decided to quit dating -Tired of shaving my legs, tired of putting on make-up, tired of trying to get to know someone. Mr. Sweet Spirit responded “So, do you want to go to Buffalo Wild Wings Friday night?” Well yes, of course I do! And did for the next 10 months.
This has been a nice year spent with Mr. Sweet Spirit. I have kept my eyes open, spoke up when something wasn’t okay and stayed open and honest about this relationship. The biggest not okay was his inability to commit. Yes, we got along great. Great chemistry. Laughed. And I was able to see where I didn’t stay true to myself sometimes…I can be a little intense and I tried to reserve! So finely, a few weeks ago I had to tell him I thought we should let go. I am looking for a love. A partner. A companion. And yes, Destin deserves him to be a dad as well. I don’t require much. Emotional intimacy~openness on all levels, honesty, sharing~This seems to be the big hurdle. I’m thinking 10 months is quite long enough to know if you are moving forward in a relationship. Mr. Sweet Spirit said it was sad I thought it was long enough. He liked things the way they were. Yes, because everything is good for you. Everything is not good for me and I need to move on.

It took a couple weeks to let him go. We tried to stay friends. He continued to call -almost on a daily basis. He came over for dinner on Monday night. Me, I am holding out hope he will come to his senses and realize I am the better for him. Not happening. When I didn’t hear from him between Thursday morning to Monday morning, I knew I had to let him go for good. The friendship thing was only going one way. He wasn’t available when I needed him to be yet I was still there for him. Not okay. He came over for dinner, brought me a beautiful birthday present and I asked him how his date was that weekend. He looked at me and said “I didn’t want to tell you that way.” Well, how did you want to tell me? I know Mr. Sweet Spirit too well. Great looking, kind, sweet, doesn’t want to be alone. Of course he was going to be out on a date. Yes, it hurt. But we had moved apart. He was allowed to date. I just knew, at that moment, that we couldn’t continue to stay attached. Emotionally. I would not be the other woman. I would not stay in the middle of a new relationship he was choosing to pursue. I will not be that hurt for someone else. So, having spent 3 weeks trying, I finely let Mr. Sweet Spirit go. No more holding on to hope that he would come to his senses. No more hoping for him to profess his love for me. I need room for Mr. Lovely. Mr. Whole Package. Mr. Emotionally Open. Mr. Whatever His Name Will Be. Mister who wants to know my heart and soul. Mister who supports my passions. He doesn’t have to understand them, that is what I have girlfriends for!

In hindsight - along with staying aware of what was good in a man and what was not okay, I have become more sure of what is meant for me. And I didn’t choose to stop seeing Mr. Sweet Spirit because there was someone else to date. I just knew there was no room for Mister Lovely if there was an emotional attachment to Mr. Anybody else. Thus my having learned The Art Of Letting Go. ~Rachel Noble
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What I Love 11/22/2007
 
I love the smell of fresh mowed grass~ I love the smell of crisp Fall air before sunrise~ I love the stillness of early morning with the dew still on the grass and the quiet break of a dog bark or a car passing in the distance~ I love the sound of my son laughing~ I love my daughters independence and her self confidence~ I love Miller Park at dusk, sitting by myself, observing the various people milling around~ I love the cold air of Winter, the fireplace in my bedroom lit and Sade playing in the background. I love the positive energy in the spirits of my nearest and dearest friends~ I love my friends and family dropping by in the evening un-announced. I love quiet evenings at home, candles lit and soothing music with no-one dropping by. I love intense passion and quiet touch. I love my phone ringing and people staying in touch. I love days when my phone doesn’t ring at all. I love my soul connecting with different people~ I love knowing in my soul there is still one person…~ I love giving a massage~ I love receiving a massage. I love talking~ I love peace and quiet~ I love Dog The Bounty Hunter~ I love life~ to be continued…. ~Rachel Noble
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Written to me from my Soul Sister, Stephanie -December 02, 2006

For you, this your 40th birthday ought to be a sun overriding all the other stars. Rarely, have I seen resolve such as yours - touching with your gentle laugh the scars yielded in battles you’ve won.

Happy birthday, dearest one, precious soul - sister of my heart! We’re one in love and joy, in fondness and worth … and so as one we celebrate this day, your day of birth! Rejoice in your specialness awhile: this I’m not requesting but demanding! How else to make yourself the celebration, doing what doesn’t come naturally? I hope that throughout this month of December, our birth month, you find joy, surprises, laughter and love … all of which you deserve in great abundance … all of which you have shown me since the day we met.

To discover my soul-sister throughout the last 4 years has been one of the most wonderful and treasured surprises of all! You make me laugh, regardless of what else may be going on in life. That’s a priceless gift; one I can never repay you for. It’s no secret how much I value laughter in life; you’ve shown me many wonderful laughs, just by being yourself, and saying what’s on your mind. Another Rachel attribute that I admire, and has me wishing I could have more of in my own life.

So today, and throughout this month, I celebrate your birth, and my good fortune in finding the precious gift of your friendship.Happy Birthday, Girlfriend! And here’s to many, many more years of friendship and laughter! ~ LYMI!
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Driving home yesterday after work, I totaled my company vehicle. I have never in my life been in an accident and this one was so messed up! My turning left across three lanes of traffic on what had been a green arrow. Two of the lanes having traffic at a dead stand still while waiting on their light to turn green and the 3rd lane having been empty…until I entered the intersection and noticed a Dodge Durango traveling at a good clip. My thought was “he needs to slow down if he is going to turn right” and at the same time “Shit! He’s not slowing down to turn right!”

Yes, getting T-Boned was always in my car accident dreams. This man had to have been going 35MPH to have hit me with the force he did and spin my car around and put me up on the opposite side walk! Spitting glass out of my mouth and shaking it out of my hair I was just thinking “so this is what it is like.” And then a few expletives and a phone call to my boss.

Being home early today gave me a chance to turn on the Maury show. I wanted to be reminded of what real drama is. Not accidents in life itself that stop us from normal routine, but drama that is seemingly created to keep us stirred up. Drama that some people seem to draw into their life to have something -anything- to feel. Or keep from feeling.

All I ask for is reality. Honest, upfront, sometimes confusing and sometimes hurtful reality. I don’t need to make anything up and I am not going to get to avoid it! ~Rachel Noble
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