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Destin Randall Lamar, my son, has had many men come and go in his short eleven-year life span. He was born December 31, 1997 and in January of 1998 his natural Grandfather on his dad’s side past away. That was perhaps not a loss he would have felt but it was the first in a long line to come.

Destin’s dad, Tracy Noble had similar loss in his life and found his foster family when he was about 14, moving in with Randall and Gwen Manning. Randall Lamar Manning was one of the finest men I have ever known and so named my son after him. Randall and Tracy were very close and when, in September of 1998, Randall passed away after a lengthy illness, it seemed one more loss that hit Tracy hard. 4 weeks later Tracy was in an accident and passed away as well.

I knew that my son would need men in his life, as it was just he, his sister Jordan and me at home. He enjoyed trying on my clothes and wearing my high heels, much like most little boys I suppose! So I got him some really cool jeans and his first pair of cowboy boots…this helped!

Destin attached himself to men as they came along –I didn’t do much dating so he didn’t really have an opportunity in that capacity but my dad was one he looked up to. The relationship between my dad and myself was rocky to say the least but I knew Destin loved his grandpa and wanted to spend time with him. He loved the musical instruments my dad introduced him to and loved the adventures my dad took him on. When my dad got sick, the small amount of patience he did have was gone and Destin’s time with his grandpa ended. The next time Destin spent time with his grandpa was, thankfully, towards the end of my dad’s life as my dad began forgiving and asking for forgiveness and as we all began to repair relationships. He passed away in March of 2009.

There were others; George, Dan and Dennis to name a few -and as we left one church for another, I began to pray for a good man to come into Destin’s life. To mentor him, to teach him what was okay and what wasn’t, to show him things only a man can show a boy. And then came Matt.

We began attending Temple of Praise in October of 2007. Matt would tell you it was a class he taught about mentoring that began this relationship. In this class he told the older teens in the church that they were to be leaders, those the younger people looked up to. Whatever it was during that class, Matt knew he should lead by example and, having just gotten to know us and perhaps without much thought, he chose Destin. Maybe he didn’t have to think about it. Maybe he just knew as soon as he left that class that Destin was the kid he was to mentor.

See, Destin is fun, funny, loving, caring and compassionate but at the time Matt chose him he was hard headed, angry, untrusting and much of the time could come up with really inappropriate things to say just to get a reaction. Matt was exactly who I had prayed for, and he came at just the right time.

Over the last couple of years Matt has spent a lot of time with Destin. From sleep overs to just a day out here and there, always available for him in his office at the church and many times Destin would go to church early on Wednesday’s and sit in Matt’s office until it was time for class. These past two years have gone by fast and I didn’t realize how fast until it was time for another change.

Matt and Gayle married and, through a series of circumstances, have taken a position at a church in Matt’s home state of North Carolina. They will be moving this week.

I have seen a maturity in my son over the past couple of years. I have seen him become a thoughtful, loving, fun-loving, joyful cool kid. I have seen him grow in his personal faith and beliefs and in his prayer life. I have seen Destin begin to react appropriately to situations and loss, as in ‘life goes on’ and I see an understanding in him that life happens. Change happens. Sometimes you don’t like the change and sometimes life just stinks and when something is ending it could mean something even better is coming!

Matt, I saw my son yesterday at church. When we all gathered around you and Gayle to pray for you and to tell you goodbye I saw Destin with his eyes closed and his hand stretched towards you both, his mouth moving quietly as he said a prayer for you. I saw the tears moving down his cheeks and I could feel yet another loss for my son and I was so sad for us all. Maybe these emotions are coming because I am the mom and sometimes mom’s feel for their kids and it isn’t even something Destin is feeling. So I let him be. I let him quietly pray and let the tears quietly roll down his cheeks and I didn’t reach out for him. This was his time and in his way he was able to say goodbye. I was so proud of him, and so thankful for you. You have taught him more than you may ever know. You were that roll model for him. He does look up to you and you did a great job of just leading by example. There is another little boy somewhere that needs you. I am really quite sure at that church in North Carolina is another little boy that needs a man, someone to show him what it takes to be a loving, caring and compassionate young man and you are just the one for the job.
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