I am so sad this morning hearing the story of Pheobe, a high school student in New England who was bullied through text messaging, online and at school and she killed herself. How can some of our children be so cruel that another life would be that worthless. That our children are not even aware of the consequences of their actions! Is one child so thoughtless, self centered and removed from reality that even if another child does take their life because of the crulity that it isn't their fault? They aren't responsible? Does one child have any remorse from the consequences of name calling and disrespect of another person?

And does one person feel so bad about themselves, is it a self esteem issue that even on the outside, the hottest, cutest, most popular person would feel the need to cut another human down to feel worthy themselves? What are we missing here?

And we could even take this into the world of adults. I am sure many of us know someone who carelessly talks about another, brings someone's worth down by the cut of their toungue. Who, in their adult world, gets into the negative world of their children...logging into their accounts, texting their children's friends, chatting with teens and taking out their anger and hurt in their world on to others...perhaps it causes them to feel better about themselves just for a minute.

I came across this writing by Iyanla Vanzant yesterday. As I am heading with some girlfriends to a conference for moms and daughters next weekend (myself having the 8-13 year olds to talk with) I was struck by not only the writing but the story this morning. Where is the disconnect? How can we, as moms, aunts, sisters, grandmas, friends...pick this up and encourage each other? Encourage our children? Encourage our children's friends? See the worth in ourselves so that we can see the worth in another!

When I, as a girlfriend, say I love you, it is not in a cheesy, careless off handed way. I say I love you because I am loved and therefore I am able to love. I am tolerated so I am able to tolerate. I am given grace and mercy so am able to pass that grace and mercy through me to others. I am worthy and you are worthy as well. ~Girlfriends, I love you. I appreciate you. -Rachel Noble

Dear One:
You are it! There is nothing in this world more important, more precious, more perfect than you. You are powerful!
Your parents, your friends, lovers and loved ones may not always be with you forever, but God is always there with you and for you. Others may not be able to answer your questions, soothe your pain, put a smile on your face or bring peace to your heart, but God can and will.
Since you will always be with you, because you are so very important to you, you must know how to take care of yourself, how to honor yourself and how to affirm yourself. My prayer for you is that you know how brilliant and special you are.
You have been loved from the very beginning of your existence. That love is within you. Allow the divine presence of the love within you to shape you, mold you and direct your life.
Give your best! Do your best! Be your best! And, if there is ever a day or time when you cannot figure out what to do, throw your hands in the air and dance! God's angels are your partners.

Taken from the book 'Don't Give It Away' by Iyanla Vanzant blog post. Click here and start typing, or drag in elements from the top bar.
Picture
Picture
Add Comment
 
 
Picture
When you love someone you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom.
-Anne Morrow Lindbergh

This can be said for any relationship, even girlfriends. Relationships take tolerance, compassion and freedom. When we think another person should be something, do something or act a certain way, we need to examine ourselves. Is there a need that is not being met in this relationship? Is this a person you should be spending time with in the first place? Does this bring up your own issues of control?

And this goes into all areas. Not everyone is going to have the same spiritual beliefs you have. Not everyone is going to eat, breathe and walk the same way you do. And not everyone is going to laugh or cry at everything you laugh and cry at. In fact, not one person in this whole world is going to meet all of your needs. Not a man and not one girlfriend. And not one age group.

We all need each other. We need to stay open to all people in our lives who are giving and taking, loving and fussing and, most importantly, those who are encouraging us and having a positive role in our life.

A loving relationship encourages personal growth and change. A loving relationship encourages freedom in that growth and change.
This is your new blog post. Click here and start typing, or drag in elements from the top bar.
Add Comment
 
 
A topic of conversation came up recently wanting to know what to do when your baby won’t stop crying. “What can I do to fix it”?

My daughter Jordan was only a month and a half when she developed Colic. Now I call it Colic because in every sense of the word, I couldn’t get her to calm down or stop crying. Is it a belly ache? I tried feeding, she’s not hungry. I tried rocking, she arched her back. I tried laying her down, her crying increased to an ear piercing scream! So, I did the only thing I, a single mom at the age of 23, knew to do. I cuddled her up in a blanket, held her close to my chest, walked outside in the cool Orlando March air and I held her. Singing softly and talking to her softly and concentrating on my breathing quietly. I knew the only thing I could do would be to calm myself and be the comfort to her she would come to expect. When there was absolutely nothing else I could do, I had to let her cry. And I had to be there for her while she did. Calmly be there for her. Such is life.

Even with our girlfriends. When they need to cry. When the circumstances surrounding them is something we can’t fix. Nor do we need to fix. Sometimes all they need us to do is let them cry. And, perhaps we just need to focus on our breathing, we need to stay calm and we need to be the comfort they expect. ~Rachel Noble
Add Comment
 
 
Jordan Elizabeth,
How do you even begin to put what is in your heart down on paper when you are wanting someone to understand the depth of an emotion or the existence of a love that is indescribable.

When you were born it was just you and me. I had such a desire to protect you and keep you from hurting. As you grew I began to realize I couldn’t keep you from the hurt, nor would I want to. It is from those times that we are able to grow -as long as we stay open to the learning and focus on what is good even in the pain.

I have seen you with your girlfriends, even the girls you have been friends with since you were 4 years old. The way that you have grown into a woman (yes I have to consider you one) and have been a friend with them all this time. Today at your home, hearing them talk about what you mean to them. That they are able to trust you. That you are truthful with them even if they may not want to hear it. That you are aware enough to speak the truth in love. That you are aware enough to know you are speaking it in love. For one of my best girlfriends to say about you that you are lovable. That she would say you make her smile and bring her joy when she is around you.

For anyone to say that you are mature and responsible is the truth. I want to add to that and say you are not grown. You are still loving being a teenager and loving being a Senior in high school ~Yet you also love being independent, making decisions on you own or in unison with Michael. Such as mature adults do. I see a balance with you. I see you continuing to grow and change. And enjoying the change as you grow. I see you open to spiritual things in life and that brings me a great amount of Joy.

How would I ever have known ~ 18 years ago ~ that I would be blessed to Mother such a sweet and wonderful Spirit. That I would admire and appreciate you for so many reasons. Reasons that could never be simple and perhaps never understood.
So I will leave it at this for now. Knowing words are only words. And I will continue to give you space to grow. As I hope I have always done. And I will continue to watch you and admire you. And I will continue to learn what it is to care about another human being and not have the words tell. ~Your Mom, Rachel Noble
Add Comment
 
 
Written to me from my Soul Sister, Stephanie -December 02, 2006

For you, this your 40th birthday ought to be a sun overriding all the other stars. Rarely, have I seen resolve such as yours - touching with your gentle laugh the scars yielded in battles you’ve won.

Happy birthday, dearest one, precious soul - sister of my heart! We’re one in love and joy, in fondness and worth … and so as one we celebrate this day, your day of birth! Rejoice in your specialness awhile: this I’m not requesting but demanding! How else to make yourself the celebration, doing what doesn’t come naturally? I hope that throughout this month of December, our birth month, you find joy, surprises, laughter and love … all of which you deserve in great abundance … all of which you have shown me since the day we met.

To discover my soul-sister throughout the last 4 years has been one of the most wonderful and treasured surprises of all! You make me laugh, regardless of what else may be going on in life. That’s a priceless gift; one I can never repay you for. It’s no secret how much I value laughter in life; you’ve shown me many wonderful laughs, just by being yourself, and saying what’s on your mind. Another Rachel attribute that I admire, and has me wishing I could have more of in my own life.

So today, and throughout this month, I celebrate your birth, and my good fortune in finding the precious gift of your friendship.Happy Birthday, Girlfriend! And here’s to many, many more years of friendship and laughter! ~ LYMI!
Add Comment
 
 
Pecan Grove Plantation
Thornton, Louisiana
August 15, 1993 5:30am

Siddalee~
Good God, child! What do you mean, you “don’t know how to love”? Do you think any of us know how to love?! Do you think anybody would ever do anything if they waited until they knew how to love?! Do you think that babies would ever get made or meals cooked or crops planted or books written or what God-damn-have-you? Do you think people would even get out of the bed in the morning if they waited until they knew how to love? You have had too much therapy. Or not enough. God knows how to love, kiddo. The rest of us are only good actors.

Forget love. Try good manners.
~Vivi Abbott Walker
Letter written to Siddalee Walker from her mom, Vivi Walker. Taken from the book Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

Okay, sister, we need to watch this movie again! *smile*
Add Comment